My girlfriend came over after work today, and we talked about moving in together.

I’m sure that doesn’t sound like a big deal to most people. But if you grew up in a broken home like mine, then you’re more likely to understand.

A lot of us don’t know how to love. We don’t know how to express our emotions in a healthy way. We don’t talk to one another. We talk at each other. We hear instead of listen. We react rather than process.

And the truth is, it really isn’t our fault. I mean, how do you do any of those things if you’ve never been shown?

My father had his moments, but he never knew how to show me love. He knew how to exercise control. If he ever recognized his patterns of abuse, he didn’t know how to admit it. He most certainly didn’t know how to stop.

I didn’t deserve the things he did to me. You didn’t deserve the things that have happened to you. It wasn’t our fault, but we have to heal. And healing starts with forgiveness.

The question now is what do I do with that?

It’s been 25 years since my father laid a hand on me. I am now a grown man with my own family. I have my own child that I have taken an oath to protect. So how do I show her love when I don’t know what love looks like?

The only way to do that is to let someone in. Someone who is healthy enough not to lead you astray.

We have to allow ourselves the most frightening thing. We need to allow someone healthy to love us for the broken little bits we once were. It’s truly terrifying at first. I couldn’t dive into it all at once. But slowly, over time, I learned that it wasn’t the big bad monster I had built it up to be.

A little at a time, and I managed to learn how to love.

And that is something I would never trade for anything. Once you make it out of your dark place, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you. And you deserve to be the best version of yourself possible.

Do you have a story of healing? Where are you at in your journey? Let us know!

Image by AndreasAux from Pixabay