In another world, this could have been me.

During my time in recovery, I have had to swallow some hard truths about myself. It has been a fact-finding and fact-facing process. Enlightening, but never easy.

Difficulty makes it mean more. I appreciate the journey more when the path is strewn with a bit of rubble and debris.

There is plenty of debris. But I seem to find less and less as each day passes.

A couple weeks ago, I was at home getting ready for bed. I had just turned off the bedroom light when I heard a woman screaming outside.

I looked out my window. In the parking lot across the street, I saw a disheveled man enter a tent that had been made out of a blue tarp and buckets. He exited and re-entered a couple more times. Each time I could hear the woman scream again.

So, I did what I thought was the right thing. I called emergency services, gave them my details, and prayed. Within 3 minutes, the police had arrived. No arrests were made.

I thought that was the right thing to do, because in the moment I didnt know. I grew up in a household that experienced violence regularly. As a child, I couldn’t fight back. I couldn’t defend myself. I was too afraid to call 911.

Three decades later, and those feelings of fear, helplessness, and anger all came rushing back. It didn’t matter to me who the woman was or what decisions she made that put her in a tarp tent in a parking lot at 10:30 pm on a Sunday.

That was me, so many times. But the “hard truth” is, I could have been that man, too.

Addiction does things to people. I have witnessed incredible, kind-hearted people get torn to pieces. Alcohol just happened to be my drug of choice. Many will argue that other drugs are worse. While I won’t take part in any debate, I will say that I have done things I am not proud of.

Part of my own recovery journey is acknowledging my past and using it to shape a positive future. It is painful and frightening, yet fruitful and necessary.

In any number of infinite worlds, we are all there. Both outside of the tent, and in it.

As much as I have struggled in this world, I am beyond grateful to be where I am today.