The holidays have been, and continue to be, a time of beauty and upheaval for me. Changes are coming at me fast, and I’m honestly not sure if I am well equipped. I am excited, afraid, anxious, and somewhat impatient.

Over the weekend, Kim and I went to look at houses together. I have never done this with anyone. I have lived with others. Others have lived with me. But we have never lived together. Even as a child living with my family, I never felt togetherness.

On Saturday night, we went bowling with friends from church. I have never had church friends. The religion I grew up with had nothing to do with friends. I wasn’t even supposed to spend time with anyone outside of our religion unless I was converting them.

I had a blast. A new, unfamiliar, and entirely terrifying blast. And this made me feel things I haven’t felt before. I spent much of my life trying to drown my emotions in alcohol. I’m in recovery now, which means that self-medicating is no longer an option.

Let me be clear about something. I didn’t wake up one day and flip a switch. It’s not like I made the decision to change, and suddenly the whole world opened up for me. I have slipped. I have isolated. I have hurt.

This. Has not. Been. Easy.

The people who have been around me through my recovery can tell you what I was like. They can tell you what happened. They can also tell you what I am like now. It’s night and day.

Or if you prefer, I can tell you myself. Truthfully, I would love nothing more.

I am open and proud of my healing. It may seem odd to some, but I am also open and proud of where I came from. Despite the pain and struggle. These are the things that have brought me here.

I choose to find beauty. When I can, I choose to share that beauty. If you would allow me, I would like to share that beauty with you.

Below, you will find a link to my book, “Long Live the Lonely: Poetry and Prose for Melancholy Souls”. There is also a link to multispective.org, a mental health podcast that was gracious enough to let me share my life journey so far.

I would be honored if you check them out. Regardless, always remember that you deserve love. I wish you all the best on your life journey.

Book: https://amzn.com/dp/B0DHV8BCRD

Podcast: https://multispective.org