You are allowed to heal.

My fear, and a desire for control, are the symptoms of my drinking disease. A disease that was brought on by consistent, constant, and repetitive childhood trauma. Which was a symptom of my dad’s disease, and the collective spiritual sickness of a whole group of people.

The things my father did to me are not my fault. Just like the things his father did to him are not my father’s fault. However, this understanding doesn’t make the trauma, and its resulting symptoms, any less real.

Focusing on the symptoms is like focusing on the smoke when you have a grease fire in your kitchen. The smoke is merely a symptom of the actual problem. The trauma. Sure, you can open a window. Maybe set up a fan. But is that REALLY what you’re going to do?

No! You’re going to turn off the stove and pour baking soda on the pan. But not water. Water will only make it worse.

I didn’t know how to deal with the problem, so I instead focused on my symptoms.

When we focus on our symptoms, we often end up making the actual problem even worse. I chose to ignore my fire and drown out the smoke. Unsurprisingly, I made it worse.

Throughout my drinking career, I neglected my health, my finances, and my responsibilities. I put liquor before my loved ones. All of this out of fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. And a whole fat list of other fears. I constantly felt guilt and shame, because I wasn’t able to live life like a normal, responsible human being.

Well to hell with normal. I’m healing. And I am ALLOWED to heal.

I am tired of dealing with the smoke. It’s high time I started dealing with the fire.

But what exactly IS this fire I’m supposed to be dealing with? For me, it starts with identifying what happened to me and accepting it. This doesn’t mean AGREEING with it. Far from it.

“This is the thing that happened. This is how it made me feel. It wasn’t my fault. And I am allowed to heal.”

You are ALLOWED to heal.

I am not ashamed to be in therapy and sobriety. Quite the opposite. I am proud. And I will talk about it openly.

So I invite you to pack up all your mental baggage, lay it out neatly for everyone to see, and burn it to ash.

YOU. ARE. ALLOWED. TO. HEAL.

Are you healing? Share your experience with us at the bottom of the page.

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